Beach Life PC Review

In the shops, Beach Life looks as if it’s full of sexy women with it’s cover and manual – all these cartoon pictures of women in bikinis, what could be better, hey? Well it’s a bit of a let down when you get into the game.

It’s a management sim where you have to progress through different levels, or play around on the ones you have unlocked, managing the ultimate beach resort for those on spring break or something like that.

The idea is good, but the women on the cover and manual aren’t in the game! Just small people that occasionally lie on the beach with their tops off – even then it’s no big thing, even when they have a romp on the beach with their drunk friend.

The music is great – with your own MP3 song list that you can edit and add, even make some songs only come on at day or night. And the objectives are clear and to the point, the graphics are nice – with a nice surprise if you rotate the toilet block.

So when I started my own resort I decided to keep my people safe, so I placed many lifeguard posts in, and hired enough lifeguards. That cost about $15,000 just for that. I then built up my apartment blocks and pubs for people to get drunk, put a nice beach disco in and beach stage for those wet tee shirt shows and concerts. Then I realised – I haven’t got a cleaner’s! And I only have $100 left! I know! Let’s whack up the prices for booze, milk the customers for what they’ve got.

Then I realise that my resort is loosing customers, and by 5:00 I’m hated. Great, take a sip from my lemonade, lower the prices of booze and raise accommodation prices. People come back, get drunk, do unspeakable things, go to bed, get up, swim, get drunk, do unspeakable things.

There are nice comedic touches in the thoughts of the customers, like “That pool was great! Apart from the occasional small brown logs that floated past.” I dread to think what those logs were… Also trees make great spots for people to do things, so I place nice trees everywhere and spend money on lights for paths.

The game is nicely done, nicely polished and with little touches thrown in for good measure, a customisable MP3 player let’s you play whilst strumming an air guitar, sharks can eat your customers (yay!) and clear beaches are nice spots for doing things (but they do it with their clothes on! IMPOSSIBLE!). Only one drawback – it’s too simple. It’s just, build, buy, get money, keep people happy. Nothing like Sim City or anything, it’s just for those who want to see a nice party or wet tee shirts or just make their own little Ibiza. Good game, simple and fun.

Glitch! Once when I was playing this, all these drunk couples started to walk on the spot holding hands, I had about sixty couples just walking on the spot.


Nice, polished, but the people just look fake.

Fun and simple.

clear, crisp and nice music.

Once its done, its done.

A nice sim for a month or two, but then gets boring.

8 out of 10