Hangover Blues

Hello. My name is Andi, one of the writers here for DarkZero. I’ve refrained from posting anything on the blog until recently, as most of it is fairly long and thoughtful commentary, whereas I tend to use a blog to dump my thoughts – stuff that isn’t article-worthy. That doesn’t mean that the odd article won’t pop up here, it is just more of a braindump.

It can be found at https://darkzero.co.uk/andi/.

I’m going out tonight, and I’m going to get very, very drunk indeed. It isn’t big or clever, but it is a birthday, so I’ve got no choice really. What I will need, however, is some entertainment tomorrow afternoon, once I’ve woken up, ejected the contents of my stomach and started to regain the power of sight. It isn’t as easy as throwing on any game, as most of them are just way too stressful an experience.

The thing is, when you’re in a fragile state, you don’t want anything too stressful or intense. You want simple, peaceful and happy games – something to make you forget all those horrible flashbacks to the night before, or the fast cycle that is taking place in your gut. In the same way that pre-school television is all the human mind can truly process at 6am on a Monday morning, there are some games that are just way beyond comprehension after a skinful of Carlsberg.

Imagine hungover a Gears of War session, in all its Hi-Def glory, 5:1 surround battlefield screams and explosions blasting at you, forcing you into the foetal position wishing for it all to end. How about dealing with Silent Hill 2’s ropey controls, awkward cameras and oppressive atmosphere? It’d surely be only a matter of time before you fall asleep on your couch, have some of the worst daydreams known to man then wake up in a small pool of thick vomit. It doesn’t bear thinking about, really.

How about booting up a Call of Duty 4 deathmatch, only to hear the hundreds of high-pitched, whiny American childrencalling you every racist, homophobic slur under the sun, constantly, while you get frustratingly blown to pieces by a barrage of grenade every two seconds? Actually, you’d be livid about that, hungover or otherwise.

Perhaps something can be created? Preferably for the Wii, as waving a remote listlessly towards a screen is about as much I will be able to manage tomorrow. There would be no violence, scares or anything else that could provoke an unwanted resurgence of last nights Kebab. No loud noises, or explosions, no gunshots. It needs a peaceful, simple setting that is easy on the eyes and simple to navigate, yet offers just enough to do that you don’t completely zone out and wake up hours later, having missed most of the day and now stand no chance of waking up in time for work.

I think I just indirectly reviewed Endless Ocean. I’ll be playing that tomorrow.