Crazy Pundit Calls Mass Effect ‘Virtual Orgasmic Rape’

Over all a website called TownHall.com, which I am glad I’ve never heard of before, some man called Kevin McCullough, who I am equally glad I’ve never heard of before, has decided to post his opinion of Bioware’s latest RPG Mass Effect for the world to see. In Kevin’s mind I am sure this article – which he named The “Sex-Box” Race for President for some unknown reason – makes all the sense in the world, and he probably thinks he should win awards for it. But in reality it is actually a hilarious, albeit saddening read, something that really shows how out of touch some people are with the gaming of today, and why they should do a small bit of research before opening their mouth – or maybe just keep it firmly shut to begin with.

The piece opens by describing Mass Effect as a title “one company is marketing to fifteen year old boys,” which is just a terrible start when you have wrote less that twenty words, as I know very few teens that will sit through a RPG these days – as they all seem to be on Halo 3 calling people “fags”. However, it gets worse, as he goes on from there to tell his readers (which judging by the comments seem very eager to believe him) that Mass Effect offers “the most realistic sex acts ever conceived,” letting gamers “watch in crystal clear, LCD, 54 inch screen, HD clarity as the video game persons hump in every form, format, multiple, gender-oriented possibility they can think of.

Where did all this humping come from? Now, I know there was a small sex scene, but it was not explicit in any way, and it was also something that was tastefully developed though the game. Oh, and lets not forget the scene in question was near the very end of the game, so I would be willing to bet that Mr. McCullough has not seen what he describes as “sodomize whatever, whoever, however” first-hand. But that’s not all though, I could go on and comment on where he describes the game as “virtual orgasmic rape” that “is just the push of a button away” but I don’t think I’ll bother, as someone like this hardly warrants any more of my time!

It’s just crazy! I really don’t know where this guy gets his information. I mean, Mass Effect was far from ‘crystal clear’ in my opinion, and all that texture pop-up was enough to drive me mad! I kid, I kid!

Anyway, make sure you read the full article for a good laugh, but be warned you faith in humanity might take a tragic nosedive as a result.